I'm a Miracle
The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. ~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25
When I think back to 2 years ago when the last days of my drinking, I was spiraling into a vortex totally out of control. There were no breaks in the bleakness that my life had become. Sneaking out to drink in the car or walk around the corner so drunk that I could not remember where the hell I was. I would sober up long enough to know that I was out of control and start the whole process all over again...drinking at whatever time I came to, to meet yet another day.
The steps to recovery were not easy for me to do after step 5. Step 9 scared the hell out of me. I had to go back and make amends for the damage that I had done, if I could. There are only a few that have not bothered to hear or read what I've had to say. I can't say that I was ok with it, but I had to accept it. Step 9 was my "acceptance" step. I had to accept that up until I knew what made me drink, I never knew who I was or accepted anything good about myself.
It took my sponsor, staying in the rooms of AA, taking commitments, and working with others, that helped build and shape my physical sobriety. It was the acceptance of a power greater than me that I could be all the things I dreamed about. Relying on that same power has propelled me into a deeper spirituality that I want to practice every day. I'm living a life better than my dreams or desires or original goals could have ever taken me. I'm happy within myself.
New Year's morning, I spent a couple of hours meditating wanting to honestly know more about the direction my life is taking today. I wanted to make sure that the "old" ideas and the "old" behaviors are not apart of my thought process to the best of my ability. I know that I will have to depend on the Creator to do the follow up. I still have a character defect of procrastination that likes to creep in. I've done so much emotional clean up already, that it is a miracle that I survived sober!! Fear after fear kept surfacing. I thought I was done with all these fears when I did my 4th and 5th steps in Jan 2005. The problem, the emotions, I chose to ignore and just keep moving forward hoping that I was ok.
However, my goal from October 2006 on has been Emotional Sobriety. Why? Because "glossing over" them didn't work, they came back to bite me in the ass with a vengeance!! Emotional sobriety is a system of emotional growth using the 12 steps of AA as a guideline. I not only use the steps as a guideline, it was the process. My sponsor was a tremendous help in realizing that I needed to understand those emotions that I glossed over the first time. I had to sit down and write (again) those areas that were still pretty powerful in my life. Those were the same areas that I believed that my spiritual growth was being hindered because I had not totally let go. Since this was my 3rd sponsor, she did not hear the original 4th and 5th. So there was quite a bit of apprehension and fear about presenting these defects to my character. The only thing that I was sure of when I did this, the Creator arranged for this sponsor to be in my life. I just needed the courage to follow through with the right action.
I can't convey in words how wonderfully serene my life has become since I've now understand the emotions that were attached to the fear. I have asked the Creator to remove the defects by name in my 7th step prayer. I can't even explain the experience, intelligently. My best description would probably be a relaxing walk on the beach at sunset. Just listening to the waves as my mind calms down from the day. Since I live in the mountains, perhaps a nice walk along a trail overlooking the valley.
I just know I don't want to ever forget where I've come from. If I do, I might as well drink because I will have lost the love that the Creator has blessed me with. I didn't deserve recovery. I was chosen. What a blessing!! My prayer today, Creator, let my beliefs be strong today. Help me to have faith in your direction for my life.
Prescilla P. (DOS 9/25/2004)
Crossroads, Inc. is a non-profit, drug and alcohol recovery, organization located in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona. Crossroads is a Level Four transitional facility licensed by the State of Arizona. The Crossroads program addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of alcoholism or drug addiction, by providing food, shelter, 12 step structure and discipline. We can help you find direction to sober living. Pick up the phone and call us: 602-279-2585. Visit our website at: http://sober360.com
When I think back to 2 years ago when the last days of my drinking, I was spiraling into a vortex totally out of control. There were no breaks in the bleakness that my life had become. Sneaking out to drink in the car or walk around the corner so drunk that I could not remember where the hell I was. I would sober up long enough to know that I was out of control and start the whole process all over again...drinking at whatever time I came to, to meet yet another day.
The steps to recovery were not easy for me to do after step 5. Step 9 scared the hell out of me. I had to go back and make amends for the damage that I had done, if I could. There are only a few that have not bothered to hear or read what I've had to say. I can't say that I was ok with it, but I had to accept it. Step 9 was my "acceptance" step. I had to accept that up until I knew what made me drink, I never knew who I was or accepted anything good about myself.
It took my sponsor, staying in the rooms of AA, taking commitments, and working with others, that helped build and shape my physical sobriety. It was the acceptance of a power greater than me that I could be all the things I dreamed about. Relying on that same power has propelled me into a deeper spirituality that I want to practice every day. I'm living a life better than my dreams or desires or original goals could have ever taken me. I'm happy within myself.
New Year's morning, I spent a couple of hours meditating wanting to honestly know more about the direction my life is taking today. I wanted to make sure that the "old" ideas and the "old" behaviors are not apart of my thought process to the best of my ability. I know that I will have to depend on the Creator to do the follow up. I still have a character defect of procrastination that likes to creep in. I've done so much emotional clean up already, that it is a miracle that I survived sober!! Fear after fear kept surfacing. I thought I was done with all these fears when I did my 4th and 5th steps in Jan 2005. The problem, the emotions, I chose to ignore and just keep moving forward hoping that I was ok.
However, my goal from October 2006 on has been Emotional Sobriety. Why? Because "glossing over" them didn't work, they came back to bite me in the ass with a vengeance!! Emotional sobriety is a system of emotional growth using the 12 steps of AA as a guideline. I not only use the steps as a guideline, it was the process. My sponsor was a tremendous help in realizing that I needed to understand those emotions that I glossed over the first time. I had to sit down and write (again) those areas that were still pretty powerful in my life. Those were the same areas that I believed that my spiritual growth was being hindered because I had not totally let go. Since this was my 3rd sponsor, she did not hear the original 4th and 5th. So there was quite a bit of apprehension and fear about presenting these defects to my character. The only thing that I was sure of when I did this, the Creator arranged for this sponsor to be in my life. I just needed the courage to follow through with the right action.
I can't convey in words how wonderfully serene my life has become since I've now understand the emotions that were attached to the fear. I have asked the Creator to remove the defects by name in my 7th step prayer. I can't even explain the experience, intelligently. My best description would probably be a relaxing walk on the beach at sunset. Just listening to the waves as my mind calms down from the day. Since I live in the mountains, perhaps a nice walk along a trail overlooking the valley.
I just know I don't want to ever forget where I've come from. If I do, I might as well drink because I will have lost the love that the Creator has blessed me with. I didn't deserve recovery. I was chosen. What a blessing!! My prayer today, Creator, let my beliefs be strong today. Help me to have faith in your direction for my life.
Prescilla P. (DOS 9/25/2004)
Crossroads, Inc. is a non-profit, drug and alcohol recovery, organization located in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona. Crossroads is a Level Four transitional facility licensed by the State of Arizona. The Crossroads program addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of alcoholism or drug addiction, by providing food, shelter, 12 step structure and discipline. We can help you find direction to sober living. Pick up the phone and call us: 602-279-2585. Visit our website at: http://sober360.com
posted by Prescilla at
3:46 PM
1 Comments:
good for you Prescilla!
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